


Lies of Omission

by TinCanTelephone



Series: From Tumblr, With <3 [12]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Mild Angst, Mild Drunkenness, flustered cassian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-27 22:44:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15034943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: The story of the night Cassian decides to tell Jyn Erso how he Feels.Somehow, it's not quite the disaster he's prepared for.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melanoradrood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @melanoradrood's highly specific prompt on tumblr! Or more accurately, highly specific prompt on discord I just _had_ to write :P

_Friendship’s a weird thing,_  Cassian thinks as he contemplates the bottle of wine on the table in front of him.  _It’s such a weird thing that happens– as you go through life you just… pick people and decide to hang out with them. And be really nice to them. And love and treasure them but not in a sexual way. And give them stuff._  

Like this bottle of wine. Leia gave that to him. It’s a five-dollar bottle she bought for… some reason or other before her parents visited and gave her something more expensive. So she left this one on her counter and said it was up for grabs. 

So he opened it. About an hour ago, when the ending credits of  _Wall-E_  were playing on the TV and Leia fell asleep on the sofa. 

He tilts his head. When did it get so empty?

He shrugs and takes another sip from the plastic cup Leia clearly lifted from the cafeteria. 

Whatever. That’s what tonight was for, wasn’t it? Drowning his sorrows in sappy movies and alcohol. Nothing like a movie set in the apocalypse to remind him that everything comes to an end. 

Like the semester. Tomorrow’s the end of his sophomore year. It’s his last day on campus before he drives home. It’s the last day he’ll spend in the pre-law house. The last day he’ll share a kitchen with Leia (and her wine). 

It’s the last day he’ll get to see Jyn Erso.

Cassian knows he’s pretty drunk when his eyes tear up at the thought. It’s stupid. He’s been stupid. He should’ve told her earlier. He should’ve told her three months ago, at Leia’s Anti-Valentine’s day party. It was only the third or fourth time he’d ever seen her, but she won a game of The Floor Is Lava and he still remembers it, clear as day. 

He was on his back on the floor, where he’d fallen off his perch on the windowsill, and staring up at her, balancing triumphant on the kitchen counter and taking victory gulps from her solo cup. She dropped gracefully to the floor amid cheers of the twenty other guests and it took Cassian nearly thirty seconds to collect himself and stand up to congratulate her. 

He should have told her then that he was falling in love with her. He doesn’t think it happened all at once– it was more like a gradual thing over the entire semester, but that night he knew he was in trouble. 

They had one class together– macroeconomics, which they both hated, but he always looked forward to because he knew it meant he got to see her. They studied together for the final and it was  _torture_ – trapped in a cramped, windowless room in the basement of the library, where he could hear her every murmur and sigh, see every strand of hair in the harsh fluorescent light. 

She was whip-smart, too. If he thought  _he_  was good at math, she was better. Faster, cleverer, more creative. She insisted he was good too– more patient, more careful, but he never truly thought he compared. 

The room feels wavy and Cassian slumps further down in his chair. The alcohol is backfiring– he’s just wallowing now, because in all that time he never told her how he felt, and after tomorrow he's never going see her again. 

Because  _of course_ , out of the thousands of students at this school, he fell for the international student from UEA. Doing a semester abroad at Yavin.  _A_  semester. One.  _Uno_. Which is over now. Done. Completed.  _Terminado_. 

He tries to pour the rest of the wine into his cup, but his hand is shaking and most of it spills on the table. He doesn’t clean it up. The table’s probably seen worse. And they’re moving out anyway. 

Because they’re going home soon. 

Fuck. 

He glances at his phone. It’s nearly 1 in the morning. But Jyn’s a night owl, she’s probably still awake. 

He stands up, the chair scraping against the linoleum. Leia doesn’t stir, but he remembers her voice from earlier that night,  _Life is short, Cass. What’s the worst that could happen?_

She was talking about finally going on a date with Han, but all he sees is Jyn and maybe it’s the wine, but in that moment he decides to do It. He’s going to tell her how he Feels. 

He manages to walk the two and a half blocks to her building in a mostly straight line. The outer door is locked, but he’s been here so often he knows the code and he presses her doorbell when he sees the light under her door. 

“Cassian?”

He gulps involuntarily when he sees her. She’s been packing– there are boxes everywhere and she’s wearing a giant cotton T-shirt so long on her it hides her shorts. If she’s wearing any. He can’t tell.

He clears his throat and forces his eyes upward. “Jyn.” His face burns and he feels like an idiot, but his thoughts have been scattered like leaves on the wind and he can’t think of anything to say.

She lifts a wry eyebrow and steps aside. “Do you want to come in?”

He steps inside. “Okay.” 

She fills a plastic cup of water and leads him to the living room, where he sits on the sofa and tries to collect himself. Her eyes drop briefly to his mouth. “Leia’s wine?”

_Shit._ He raises a hand, suddenly self-conscious of the purple stain on his lips. He takes the water and drinks, hopes some of it comes off. “Yeah.”

She smiles and sits next to him. “So what’s up?”

Her shirt rides up and he can see that she is wearing shorts underneath– although that’s a generous term. They’re skin tight and so short they barely cover anything. It’s hard to think straight (not that he was doing such a great job before) and he has to look away. His eyes fall on her windowsill. “You killed the succulent.”

She sighs and her lower lip pokes out, pink and soft and full. “I know. Bodhi said they were hard to kill but…”

“They are! What did you do to it?” He stares at the poor, withered plant. Neglected to death by this crazy, lovely, beautiful woman. 

She shrugs. “I swear I watered it, talked to it, put it in the sun. All that stuff. I don’t know what happened.”

He shakes his head and clicks his tongue.

She laughs and swats his arm. “Shut up. Drink your water and tell me why you drank all Leia’s wine and came  _here_ , of all places. It can’t be just to scold me on my gardening skills.”

Cassian’s heart begin thumping uncomfortably in his chest as his brain finally catches up to his actions. “Jyn, I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.” She settles deeper on the sofa and leans forward. “It must be important, if you came all the way over here this late.”

_That’s one way to put it_. “Uhh… yeah. It is important.”

“I’m ready.” Her smile’s still there, but he can see muscles tensing in her brow and at her jaw. She’s getting nervous– he’s built this up so much without realizing it. 

The words, all in a jumble, suddenly pile up at the front of his brain and he gives up on trying to tame them into a coherent speech. He has to tell her. Right here, right now. “Jyn, I lied to you. I mean, I kept a secret. A big secret, for a long time. And I always meant to tell you, I did, but there was never a right time, or I was just scared. I’m still scared to say it, because I’m afraid of what’s going to happen, but I’m leaving tomorrow and then you’re leaving too, and I’ll never see you again and I know that’s worse than never telling you at all.”

He’s panting and he stops to take a breath. Jyn looks like she wants to interrupt, but he has to finish. He has to get this out.

“I think I’m in love with you, Jyn. I loved you from the first month I knew you. You’re the most wonderful, most amazing person I know and I wish I had more time to know you. It’s breaking my heart that you have to go and I can’t– I’m afraid of how I’ll get by when you’re not here.”

His eyes start watering as he realizes what he’s saying, but he can’t stop now. It’s like a dam burst inside him and he can’t stop it…

“I know I’ll have to, but it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to forget you, Jyn, and I can’t imagine not missing you for the rest of– what is it?”

His vision is shimmering, but he can focus on her eyes through his tears and they’re shining, too. And she’s smiling and shaking her head. “You silly man.”

“What?”

“You’ll see me again.”

“I will?” His heart is  _leaping_  and he tries to calm it. What is she saying? Is she joking? He’s missing something. Holy shit, why is she  _smiling_?

“Leia didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“I transferred here. I like it better– the classes, the weather, the teachers. And…” She blushes. “I made a lot of good friends.”

The world is spinning again, and it doesn’t feel like the alcohol. This is happening too fast and he can’t process it.

She has to make the connection for him. “So you will see me again. Next year.”

He’ll see her again.  _He’ll see her again_. For a second, he’s happy– giddy, over the moon. She’ll be here and he can see her every day and he won’t have to try to forget her. 

But then he remembers what he just said and he feels himself begin to deflate. It won’t be like before next semester after this– it’ll be awkward now, and weird, and  _oh God, now she knows_ –

“Cassian.” 

He looks back at her. Her eyes are serious, staring right into his. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“You’re spiraling, I can see it in your face, and I want you to stop. I lied to you, too.”

It takes him a minute to realize what she means, and he still can’t believe it when she hugs him and he falls backward on her couch, holding her on top of him like he’ll never let her go. 

“I think I love you, Cassian,” she says into his ear. 

His heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it might leap out of his chest. But that would be okay because it would be leaping right into hers, where he’s sure it really belongs.

He holds her tighter still, eyes squeezed shut and nose pressed to her neck, his heart still beating, 

_She’ll stay. She’ll stay. She’ll stay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original Tumblr Post](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com/post/174557531290/you-know-what-my-prompt-is-jyn-transfers-from-a)
> 
>  
> 
> By popular demand and an anonymous request on tumblr, there will be two (2) more chapters- an interlude and Part 2! So stay tuned for those :)


	2. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost a year later- in which Jyn and Cassian fight, Bodhi tries to moderate, and Cassian wears his parka to class in the middle of spring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or, the sickfic chapter no one asked for, but y'all are getting anyway
> 
> Blame @gloriouswhisperstyphoon for the inspiration and for annoying me until I wrote it :P

"Dude, what did your phone do to you?" Bodhi pauses the episode of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_.

"What are you talking about?" Cassian doesn't look up, nor is he watching his phone for text messages. He's just really into this game of 2048. He's on a role. He might even get to 4096 this time.

"You're glaring like it's wronged you personally."

"No, I'm not."

"Are you and Jyn fighting?"

"It's not a fight."

"Sorry– are you having a discussion?"

"No." Cassian loses the game and puts down his phone. He slumps further down on the couch and crosses his arms. "You can press play now." He's read the books, so he's not exactly on the edge of his seat as to whether Count Olaf's crimes catch up with him in _The Ersatz Elevator_ , but he's had a terrible weekend and would like to think about nothing at all this evening, please and thanks.

Bodhi doesn't press play. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"We're not fighting." Besides, Bodhi's always biased. Jyn's parents are his godparents, she's practically his sister.

"Is it about the whole… _parents_ thing?"

Cassian throws up his arms. "Why are you even asking if you already know? What did she tell you?"

"Nothing! Or– almost nothing."

"Great." Cassian doesn't know why he bothers. Or what possessed him to move in with his girlfriend's brother. Sure, Bodhi's a cool person but is it worth the lack of privacy in his relationship?

"Because I totally understand where you're coming from."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Like, I was super open with my mom– we were all we had, you know? I told her everything, immediately. But Jyn's just not like that with her parents."

"We've been dating for almost a year, Bodhi. She should've told them about us."

"It's a hard thing to bring up."

"Not that hard."

Bodhi winces. "Just– give her a break, maybe?"

"She called me her _friend_ on the phone with her mom on Friday. We'd had sex _literally_ 24 hours before that."

"Ew, TMI!"

" _Now_ you don't want to know?" Cassian rolls his eyes. "I'm going to bed. I'll finish the episode later." He hauls himself off the couch and collapses on his bed before remembering he hadn't brushed his teeth. He thinks about it, then rolls over and slides under the covers anyway. Whatever. It's not like this weekend can get any worse. Not only is he fighting with Jyn (okay, it's a fight), but he's pretty sure he's getting sick on top of it all. He can feel it– like a dark cloud hanging over his head, ready to drop a ton of crap in his sinuses and needles in his throat to match.

He pounds his pillow into a better shape and tries to ignore the way he feels weirdly lethargic for 11:30 at night.

 

* * *

 

He wakes with a groan the next morning because his throat is _burning_ and he can't breathe out of his nose and _fuck_ , it's going to be a long week. He rolls out of bed and shuffles into the kitchen to make a ridiculously strong cup of coffee. He drinks it while glowering out the window, where it's already bright and sunny and not at all in line with his mood.

Bodhi joins him eventually, looking far too chipper and already dressed. "Oh sweet, you made coffee–"

"Not for you," Cassian snaps, and _Goddammit_ his voice already sounds hoarse and congested.

Bodhi raises his hands and backs off immediately. "Yikes, are you getting sick?"

"Allergies," Cassian grumbles, because why not?

"You were fine last week when the pollen count was like, ten times higher."

"Fine, maybe a little bit," Cassian mutters.

Bodhi still steps over to the sink and washes his hands with soap and water.

"It's just a cold, you germaphobe."

"Sure, just keep it to yourself." Bodhi dries his hands on a towel from the drawer and looks suspiciously at the one hanging on the oven.

Jesus Christ. "I'm going to class." Cassian throws back the rest of his coffee. "Feel free to sterilize the entire apartment while I'm gone, just let me know what's good for me to touch." He stalks back into his room to dressed. To his dismay, his sinuses throb when he bends over to pull out a shirt, and his nose starts to run when he straightens again. He makes a mental note to pick up a pack of tissues before lunch. Just a travel pack, not a whole box. Because this isn't going to last that long. The universe wouldn't do that to him.

 

The universe is a fucking jackass. On Tuesday, the fourth day since he's spoken to Jyn (not that he's counting), he's on his fifth pack of tissues and officially getting his ass kicked by this cold. He's also not close to mentally ready to see Jyn, but it's unavoidable because this is their one class together.

So he sits halfway across the room from where they usually sit together and tries not to make himself too conspicuous. It's difficult, because he has to shuffle around for another tissue every three minutes and muffle wet coughs into his sleeve (because that's a thing now), but she sits on the far side of the room and doesn't look at him.

Fine. Two can play at that game. He turns deliberately away from her and stares very hard at the chalkboard, determined to concentrate on the lecture. It's harder than he expects– pushing through the fog in his head as Professor Draven rambles on about mid-20th century European history. He tries to make it into a game for himself. Every time Draven switches between political, social, and economic issues, he allows himself a new tissue. (And when he reaches down to get it, he may or may not get a glimpse of Jyn.)

It sort of works, but by the time there's only five minutes left, Cassian's paying far more attention to the clock than to anything else and feels so shaky he's starting to wonder if he has a fever. His notes are a jumbled mess and he's going to have to fix them before the final, but he doesn't care. Right now, all he wants is to go home, lie down, and not think about the way Jyn didn't look at him _once_ during the entire class.

The students are getting restless and Draven raises his voice. "Before you pack up, let me remind you that we're having a guest speaker come in on Thursday. She'll be talking about her work on the social effects of the Yalta Conference, and her lecture will be fair game on the final."

Everyone quiets at that.

Draven finishes, "That means it would be an _inconvenient_ class to skip."

Cassian stands and uses the noise of the other students to cover a loud cough. With any luck, he'll be in slightly better shape on Thursday. Maybe he and Jyn will be speaking again.

Suddenly hopeful, he looks up to see if he can catch her before she leaves, but she's gone and he tries not to let himself deflate.

That night, he's tempted to text her– ask if she wants to meet up or call, but thinks better of it in the middle of another coughing fit. He's still mad when he thinks about what happened on Friday and besides, his throat hurts too much to really talk.

 

On Wednesday, he makes an attempt at taking care of himself. He forces down three (small) meals at regular times, leaves the apartment only to go to class, and spends the rest of the time on the couch. He stays up a bit later than he means to on his phone in case Jyn texts, but he's still in bed by half past midnight.

But it's all for naught because the cough is definitely worse– loud and hacking and coming from deep in his chest, and his head feels like it's stuffed with cotton and too heavy for his body all at once. Every time he moves, he's afraid it might roll off his shoulders. Which might not be so bad because he can't remember the last time he could breathe through his nose, so what good is it doing anyway?

So he tries not to move, except now he's getting full-body chills and hot flashes that trap him in a horrible cycle of throwing his blankets off and pulling them back on. At some point, after a long, scary coughing fit, Bodhi even pokes his head in, holding the doorknob with a gloved hand.

"That sounds pretty rough," he says.

"Sorry," Cassian says through his wrecked throat. It hurts too much to quiet the coughs and Bodhi can probably hear them from his bedroom.

Bodhi winces. "Don't apologize, just… do you need anything? Medicine?"

"Already took it." He gestures weakly to the open bottle of generic cold and flu tablets on his side table. As far as he can tell, they haven't done a fucking thing.

"Water?"

He glances at his water bottle– still mostly full. He probably should be drinking that. "I'm good."

Bodhi seems reluctant to leave him alone. "Has Jyn texted?"

"No."

"Have you–"

"No."

"Oh." Bodhi seems to wilt. "Was it really– that bad?"

If he wasn't already having such a hard time breathing, he'd pull a pillow over his face. "I sort of freaked out," he says. "I mean, if she still hasn't told her parents, how do I know she's really thinking about us in the long term? I thought we understood… where this was going. I thought–" he stops to cough, "–we were on the same page."

"Well, you don't know that you're not, right? You haven't talked about it since it happened."

Cassian shivers and pulls the blankets over his shoulders again. "I was mad. And I wanted to give her space at first. But I can't reach out now." Cassian figures he must look pretty pathetic, because Bodhi takes a step forward.

"You look really fucking sick. Are you going to class tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Cassian says, although his whole body hurts just thinking about it. "It's Draven's class, and there's a guest speaker we're going to be tested on." He closes his eyes through another bout of chills– which make him feel like he's about to fly apart at the seams, almost worse than the pressure in his head that makes it feel about to cave in.

"But there has to be a way around that, right? Some way you can make it up?"

Cassian groans at the thought of jumping through the thousand hoops that's bound to involve. "It's not that bad," he says. "I'll feel better in the morning." He hopes. He really, really hopes.

Bodhi looks doubtful.

"I promise I won't go if I don't."

This seems to appeal to Bodhi's trusting soul. "…Okay. Try to get some sleep."

He leaves and Cassian grunts. Great fucking advice. Sure, he'll just drop off to sleep now, in between coughing his lungs out and trying to regulate his screwy body temperature.

 

* * *

 

He must manage to sleep eventually, because he wakes up to his alarm the next morning and his head spins when he sits up to turn it off. As the blankets fall off, he shivers so hard his teeth chatter. Did Bodhi turn on the air conditioning? Jesus christ, it's _freezing_ in here.

And although most of his body is screaming to lie back down, he uses the cold as motivation to get up and get dressed in as many layers as possible– a T-shirt and a flannel button-down over his undershirt. In the mirror, he looks bulky and overdressed for the weather, but he can't imagine taking anything off, and his face is so sweaty and pale he figures anyone who bothers too look closely will just see that he's sick and leave him alone.

In the kitchen, he takes the maximum dose of daytime cold medicine and a swallow of cough syrup for good measure, but he still can't seem to get a good breath. When he tries, he ends up coughing so hard he has to grip the counter to keep from falling over. He's blinking black spots out of his eyes when he hears Bodhi come in behind him.

"Dude, you sound like you're dying."

"I'm fine," he gasps. He realizes he's a little past denial, but at this point he's afraid it's the only thing keeping him upright. If he admits it now, he might just collapse on the spot.

"You can't go to class like that."

"Yes I can." Cassian's stomach turns at the sight of Bodhi's cereal and he decides to forego breakfast. He shuffles to their coat tree and pulls on his winter jacket. Who cares that it's the middle of April? "Did you turn on the air conditioning last night?"

"No." Bodhi glances over and his eyes bug out. "You can't be serious."

"Shut up." Cassian winces as the words pull at his chapped lips and begins collect his notebooks, although all his limbs feel heavy, like he's moving through molasses. He pauses at the door. "I dare you to stop me." A part of him is begging for Bodhi to just get up and drag him back to bed (it wouldn't be hard), but most of him knows that Bodhi would never do that and he's determined to go to this class. He can make it through one lecture, right? He'll be miserable but he'll fucking deserve it, won't he? The way he left things with Jyn…

"Goodbye, Bodhi."

 

He gets to class early and takes the opportunity to rest his head on the desk and try to stop the world from spinning so Goddamn fast. The cough medicine seems to be kicking in, which is good, but his lungs still feel heavy and tight and his brain is so foggy he's beginning to seriously doubt his ability to listen to a full class.

Then Draven arrives and he's trapped. He tries to straighten in his chair and rub his eyes, then jumps when his palms touch his forehead. He still feels absolutely frozen, how can his head be that _hot_?

He doesn't have time to think about it before Draven starts talking and Cassian has to focus all his attention on understanding the words he's saying.

"Doctor Mothma will be here momentarily– in the meantime I want to briefly discuss these topics I've listed on the board. Can anyone tell me…"

 _Fuck, there were things on the board?_ Cassian squints and reaches for his pen. He misses and knocks the damn thing onto the floor. It rolls under a chair a few feet away, and under normal circumstances he supposes he'd be able to quietly get up to retrieve it, but he's definitely too shaky for that to be an option now and his sinuses are already throbbing at the thought of bending over.

He must zone out for a while, staring at the pen and contemplating his options, because he doesn't notice Draven come halfway up the aisle until he hears, "Andor? Andor. Cassian."

He opens his mouth and tries to dig through the sludge in his head to find an answer. "Professor?"

"Are you sure you aren't a bit warm?"

"N-not really."

"You are aware it's nearly 70 degrees outside?"

"Is it?" Cassian's not prepared to understand any subtext, much less an interrogation.

Draven nods. "Why don't you go home, Andor? Email me tomorrow and we can work something out." He's standing rather close to Cassian and talking in a low voice Cassian's never heard before.

Slowly, what he's saying begins to percolate through Cassian's stuffed head and he begins to stand up. "Thank you, Professor."

"Of course." Then the low voice is gone and Draven returns to the front of the classroom. "All right– now who can list the main economic concerns of the British delegation prior to Yalta?"

Cassian's out the door before anyone raises their hand, although he has to pause in the building's atrium to catch his breath. God, when he can think straight again he'll never be able to get over the embarrassment of what just happened. He leans on the wall and tries to push it away so he can find the strength to walk back home.

Then a door slams shut behind him and he jumps. He turns around to see Jyn coming out of the classroom, shoving her notebook into her messenger bag. She marches over to him and holds out his pen.

"You forgot this."

It's the first time they've spoken in almost a week and for the first few seconds, he can only stare at her in shock. Finally, he says, "Thanks." The pen feels heavier in his hand than it should– and he can't tell if it's because of how sick he is or because of the weight of the gesture.

"You're welcome." Jyn squares her shoulders. "Now, am I taking you home or what?"

 

It feels like a dream to be walking next to her again, but Cassian barely remembers any of it. Before he can put together a complete thought– something to begin to repair the rift he made between them on Friday– he's in bed again and trying not to groan in relief.

Jyn's standing next to him, squinting at the bottle of cold medicine. "I'm assuming you've already had the maximum dose of this?"

He stares at her again, trying to put together everything that just happened. "You're going to miss class."

She puts down the bottle and gives him an exasperated look so _Jyn_ he almost laughs because he _fucking missed her_. "Brilliant, Holmes."

He doesn't have the presence of mind to blush, and forgets his embarrassment as soon as she lays a cool hand across his forehead.

"God, you're burning up."

"You're hot, too," he says before he can stop himself.

She huffs a laugh and rubs his shoulder. "Why don't I get you a wet flannel? That'll cool you off, if nothing else."

 _That sounds incredible_. "Thank you," he says, still not sure she's really here.

"You're welcome." She starts to leave.

"Wait."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry." He has to say this. He has to tell her, because what if she leaves and doesn't come back? "For… for all the things. For everything. I'm so sorry."

She softens and comes back to the bed, sitting next to him and rubbing his arm again. "Me, too. You're right– I was being a coward. I should just tell them."

"You don't have to."

"I want to." She takes a deep breath. "You're so important to me, Cass. You're a part of my life. And I hate– I hate seeing you hurt or upset."

Her touch is so soothing he's almost falling asleep, but he manages to say, "Not upset."

"I'm calling them tonight," she says. "And I'll tell them, then. I promise."

Right on the edge of sleep and so physically miserable he wants to crawl out of his own skin, he smiles. "Love you."

Her hand moves up to his chin and the last thing he feels is her thumb trace his sweaty cheek. "Love you, too."


	3. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cassian makes a Decision, and Bodhi discovers a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for an anonymous request on tumblr asking for a sequel or a prequel to chapter 1. I felt like a prequel would be kind of boring, because Jyn and Cassian didn't interact much before then, so I went with a sequel!

“Jyn, how in God’s name did you get this thing to stay on?” Cassian adjusts his mortarboard for the thousandth time and watches it slowly slide off the left side of his head. 

“A fuckton of bobby pins,” she says from the bathroom, leaning over the sink and examining her handiwork. She steps into the hall. “How do I look?”

He grins, replaces the cap again. “Beautiful. As always.” 

The dress she picked is black and knee-length, with a tight bodice and flared skirt and made with some shimmery material that reflects light in all sorts of wonderful ways. It’s a beautiful day outside, and it’s almost a shame the dress will be covered by her robe. Almost. Because the robes mean they’ve done it. Today, they’re graduating from college.

He steps forward and leans down to kiss her, but their caps knock together and his falls onto the floor behind him. 

Jyn laughs and fiddles with his tie. “Want to borrow some pins? Just take them out after they call the third-to-last name so you can throw it in the air with everyone else.”

“Mmm, fine.” He’s wasted enough time trying to balance the silly thing on his head. And he’s secure enough in his masculinity that he can wear bobby pins. Right?

 

“Dude, are you wearing bobby pins?” Bodhi says when they meet him on the sidewalk to line up. 

Jyn laughs and doesn’t raise one word in his defense as she sails off to find the  _E_ ’s. 

“It kept falling off,” Cassian mutters, trying to ignore the way his neck’s getting hot. He turns abruptly to the left, towards the beginning of the alphabet, but Bodhi catches his elbow. 

“Wait, I have to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” Bodhi looks oddly serious for the occasion, and it’s making Cassian nervous.

“Well, I couldn’t find any clean black socks to wear this morning so I, uh, looked through your drawer to see if I could borrow some.”

“So?” Cassian’s shared an apartment with Bodhi for two years, most of which he's spent at Jyn’s. At this point, he’s not too fussed when Bodhi goes through his stuff. 

“And, um… I was digging through your drawer when I, uh,  _found something_.”

“Found wha– oh.” Cassian’s heart skips a few beats and he suddenly feels two degrees colder, standing in direct sunlight in the middle of the blocked-off street.  _Fuck_ , he nearly forgot about that. 

 

* * *

 

He likes to tell himself it was an accident. He didn’t go  _looking_  for it. He just stumbled into the right set of circumstances and took advantage. 

It was spring break and Jyn had gone back to England to visit her parents, so he and Kay found an AirBnB and were spending a few days in the city. Cassian’s graduate fellowship application had just been accepted, and they were celebrating. (Kay-style, with less alcohol and more war documentaries than Cassian would’ve gone for.)

On the second day, they were strolling through the downtown, where there was a street fair going on and most of the storefronts had set up tents and tables outside. Kay was mostly window shopping, but Cassian was paying a bit more attention, looking to pick something up for Jyn. Something small, but nice. Something she wouldn’t find in the college town that housed Yavin U. 

He stopped at a few clothing stores, fingering pretty scarves in colors she would like, but she had a lot of scarves. He needed something different. When Kay was distracted by the elaborate set-up of a gaming store, he tried to linger surreptitiously by a jewelry display. Some of the earrings looked handmade…

“A gift you seek, is it?” 

Cassian jumped and whirled towards the gravelly, accented voice somehow hoarse and shrill at the same time to see a very short, withered old man behind the table. “Maybe,” he said carefully. It looked like this was the proprietor, and he wasn’t about to be talked into something really expensive Jyn wouldn’t really want. 

The man nodded. “Hmmm. Someone special it is, if here you stopped to look.”

More than a little disturbed at the man’s perceptiveness, Cassian took a half-step back. “Yeah, I guess so.”

The man gestured to the case on the table. “40 percent off, all rings are today.”

Cassian reddened and shook his head. “Uh, I’m not sure– I don’t know if–”

“Love her, do you?”

“Yes. I mean, of course. She’s… yes. I do.”

“Love you, does she?”

“I think. I hope so.”

The man smiled. “Modest, you are.”

Cassian shrugged. 

“If mutual is the love, then no harm there is in looking.” The man gestured again at the case of rings and Cassian felt too awkward not to step forward. 

He had to admit there was an impressive selection, especially for the prices listed under each one. Marked down, even he could afford some of the mid-range ones. 

Then he saw  _It_. An understated ring in the corner of the case– a simple silver band with a single stone. Completely unassuming until you gave it a second glance, which is when he noticed that it wasn’t cut quite the same as most of the other diamonds. He supposed from a critical standpoint, one might call it uneven, but from the right angle it was remarkably, uniquely beautiful. It threw light differently, too. Kind of like a star, winking at you from the night sky…

Cassian shook his head. Shit, he shouldn’t be waxing poetic in his head about a  _ring_. 

The old man followed his gaze and nodded. “An exceptional find, that one is. A mistake the jeweler made. Although to the right eyes, an exquisite result.”

Cassian nodded, not quite able to take his eyes off it. He’d never seen anything like it. Even worse, he knew it was  _perfect_ , and his hand twitched to his pocket when he saw the price, on the lower end and–

“40 percent off, all rings are today,” the man reminded him.

“Yes, thank you.” Cassian took out his wallet and fished for his credit card. “I’ll take it.”

The man smiled knowingly and swiped his card, before slipping on a glove and removing the ring from the case. He placed it in a black velvet box that made Cassian’s palms sweat, but he took it and secreted into an inside pocket before he turned to face Kay. 

“What are you still doing by the jewelry counter? Half these items can be found in Yavin.” 

Cassian shrugged. “Just looking” He closed his eyes and prayed the proprietor  wouldn’t expose him, but the old man was mercifully silent. 

Kay snorted. “Let’s keep going. I think I saw an organic tea shop up ahead. You can find something for Jyn there.”

Cassian did buy some fancy organic tea for Jyn, and presented it to her with all the air of  _as your boyfriend, this is the one thing I got you on my trip to the city_. He put the black velvet box in the back of his sock drawer (not very creative, he recognized, but there weren’t a whole lot of good hiding places in his and Bodhi’s apartment) and tried not to think about it. 

 

* * *

 

Except now he has to. Because Bodhi fucking found it. 

“ _Yeah_.” Bodhi says. “How long has that been burning a hole in your sock drawer?”

“Uh, a-a few months.”

“Are you really going to do It?”

“I-I’m not sure…”

“Have you talked to Jyn?”

“I mean– not about, like, specifics…”

“You’re living together next year, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, we’ll both be in Coruscant so–” Cassian runs his hands over his face. “Look, what do you want me to say?”

“I just want to make sure you’re sure of this.”

“I mean…  _I’m_  sure.” And he is. He’s known without a doubt for over a year now that he wants to marry Jyn, if she’ll have him. To his view, he’ll never meet anyone else who will come close to her equal, and he’s not going to waste his time searching. He just doesn’t know how  _she_  feels, not yet. “But… not about her. And I don’t want to bring it up too soon.”

“Well, what makes you so sure–”

“All students should be finding their place in line!” Professor Dodonna yells into the crowd, waving his clipboard in the air. 

Cassian takes the opportunity to step pointedly around Bodhi. “See you later, man.” He grins. “After we  _graduate_.” That’s what’s really important here, isn’t it?

 

The ceremony itself is rather boring– a lot sitting and listening to speeches that seemed to say the same things over and over again– but then the dean starts reading names and it becomes a flurry of pictures and handshakes and frantic smiling. 

Cassian manages, for the most part, to push the conversation with Bodhi to the back of his mind and focus on not tripping as he walks across the stage, then on finding his Abuela in the crowd of cameras so she can get a good picture. 

The rest of the afternoon is more pictures, most of them just of him in front of various picturesque or sentimental locations around campus, but eventually they find Bodhi, Leia, and Han and there are a couple dozen more group shots. 

While Leia’s parents make her pose with Han in front of the history building, Bodhi nudges Cassian’s side and whispers, “So we’ve  _officially_  graduated now.”

Cassian glances at his Abuela and Leia’s parents, only a few feet in front of them. “Not a great time, Bodhi.” 

“You mean you haven’t told  _her_?” He nods toward Abuela. 

“Of course not!” Cassian hisses. “She’d just say we’re too young. Which we are.”

“What are you talking about? What are you too young for?”

Cassian nearly jumps a foot in the air as Kay appears behind them, trailed by his equally stiff and bored-looking parents. “Nothing, Kay. Don’t worry about it.”

Kay narrows his eyes. “I find that answer vague and unconvincing.” 

He’s gone before Cassian can respond, walking towards the computer science building with his parents. 

Bodhi gapes. “You haven’t even told  _Kay?_ ”

“Why in the world would I tell Kay?” Cassian glares at his shoes. Why can’t Bodhi drop it already?

“But… that means you haven’t told  _anyone_.”

“I haven’t.” Cassian suddenly turns to Bodhi. “So can you keep a secret?” He squares his shoulders and tries to make the most of all two inches he has on his roommate. Intimidation isn’t usually his first choice of persuasive tactic, but Bodhi has notoriously loose lips that get worse when the stakes are high, so Cassian’s a little desperate. They’re having dinner with Jyn and her parents tonight and if Bodhi can’t keep it together…

“Yes! I mean, I’ll try–”

“Don’t  _try_. Just do it,” Cassian says before smiling at Bail Organa, who’s gesturing at them to get in the shot with Leia and Han. 

 

Despite the sun beating down on them from a cloudless sky, Cassian spends the rest of the day more or less in a cold sweat. His stomach clenches whenever Bodhi talks to anyone who knows Jyn, and by the time they all gather for an early dinner before leaving town, he’s changed dress shirts twice. Luckily, Jyn doesn’t comment as she takes her seat next to him. Cassian grips her hand and avoids all eye contact with Bodhi. 

Halfway through dinner, Jyn leans over and says, “Is Bodhi acting strange to you?”

Cassian doesn’t look up from his eggplant parmesan. “Not at all.”

“Really? He keeps making this weird look. Like he’s trying not to smile or something.”

“Huh.” Cassian shoves a forkful of mostly breadcrumbs and sauce into his mouth.

“Okay, now  _you’re_  acting weird.” 

Fuck. He shakes his head. “It’s just been a long day. Don’t worry about it.”

She frowns her cute, forehead-wrinkly frown. “Great, now I’m worried.”

Cassian puts down his fork and turns to meet her eyes. “I’m serious,” he says. “Don’t worry.”

She nods slowly and turns away. “All right, Andor. I suppose you’ll tell me later.”

He takes her hand. “I will. I promise.”

She seems satisfied with this, and so’s Cassian until he realizes he’s put a deadline over his head. They have to move out of school tonight, at which point he and his Abuela will drive three hours back to her house, while Jyn goes back to England with Bodhi and her parents. Then they won’t see each other for eight weeks before they move into their apartment in Coruscant. 

He has to tell her before that. Never mind the fact that he can’t imagine Bodhi keeping this secret for an entire seven-hour plane ride. And now that  _someone_ knows, it all feels much more real and he forgot how much he hates lying to Jyn, even by omission. 

With limited options to see her alone, he’s left with walking next to her as the party walks back to campus from the restaurant. They drag their feet and eventually lag behind the second-slowest people, Galen and Abuela. 

Cassian takes her hand and squeezes it. She squeezes it back and it gives him courage, even though she’s also the one that’s making his heart and stomach flutter with nerves. 

“So,” she says, leaning into him so their shoulders are pressed together. “What is it you want to tell me?”

“Well…” Cassian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I know we basically know where we’re going after this.”

She smirks. “Our amazingly cheap apartment just outside the sketchy part of Coruscant?”

“Well, yes… but I was kind of talking more specifically– or more generally.” Shit, that doesn’t make any sense. 

She laughs. “Okay.”

He laughs too, a nervous, breathy sound. “Well, I know we’ll finally be living together and I just wanted to say…” It’s now or never. His heart is in his throat and if it starts racing any faster he’s afraid he might pass out. “That I love you and this– this relationship mean so much to me and even after graduate school and all that–” He pauses to breathe and to look at her, maybe see a little of what she’s thinking. 

He can’t tell exactly, but it’s not a bad thing. Her face is still tilted towards him, smiling and open. She’s so beautiful she takes his breath away, and he wants to bottle this moment and save it. 

Suddenly, the words are easy. “I’d follow you anywhere, Jyn,” he says. “I love you, I’d stay with you for as long as you’ll let me. Wherever you want to go after Coruscant, and after that as well.” He takes a breath and stops, waiting.

She’s silent for a few steps, but she doesn’t let go of his hand, just looks thoughtfully ahead until turning back to say, “What if I said I want you to follow me forever?” 

Her cheeks are flushed and he wants to stop right there and touch them, take her face in his hands and kiss her hard, in the middle of the sidewalk because he can hardly believe how lucky he is. He can hardly believe she’s real.

He says, “I would say that’s perfect. Forever sounds perfect.”

Neither of them say anything more after that, but Cassian’s satisfied with that for now. He’s still not sure when he’ll ask The Question, but he’s becoming more sure of her answer. 

**Author's Note:**

> The End- thanks for reading!
> 
> Come say hi on my tumblr - [cats-and-metersticks](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com/) \- I'm still not filling prompts but my ask box is open again!


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